So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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