Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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