saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
