i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
