Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
