just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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