all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
no you cant smoke seaweed
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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