so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
