Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
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