My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
