you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
