I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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