i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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