Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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