well you can't waste a boner
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
