If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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