I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize