this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
