It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
