Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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