Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
a search helicopter?!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
