did you get engaged???
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
