So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
