I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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