But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
