This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I met the friendliest cop last night
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
