I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
