2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
