CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
