went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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