Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
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