I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
