Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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