final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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