I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
