shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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