A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
