She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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