id be glad to
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
