It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
