i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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