I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
