Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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