she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Houston, we have a squirter
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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