I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
