We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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