I CAN MOONWALK!
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
