So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
