yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Found your dick twin last night
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize