at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
