you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
