Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize