why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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