I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
