I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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