I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We had sex on a dog bed..
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