she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
