anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
