i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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