oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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