I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
