i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize