Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
