Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
