Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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