John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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