gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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