is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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