Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
